Goodbye To All That: Senior Reflections from Paige
I should have graduated today. I did graduate, but without all of the thoroughfare and traditional pomp and circumstance. My degree was conferred by President Lee Bollinger at the request of President Beilock via a live stream and I watched the ceremony while on FaceTime with family members all over the country. We cheered, laughed, loved the surprise song from Ben Platt and Tom Kitt, and then I signed off to be alone with a dark computer screen in my cap and gown.
It’s not the traditional university commencement my older brother and sister got when they graduated from college a few years ago with outdoor ceremonies that lasted for hours and left me sunburned. But it was my commencement in the face of a pandemic and under circumstances no one could have imagined. And for what it was, it was perfect. Different offices and groups at Columbia and Barnard came together online to try to replicate the ending of an academic year as best they could. With Zoom calls, special videos, and social media projects, I think they came pretty close to having as normal of a graduation in these times. It would be impossible to completely replace an in-person graduation, but the community and love I felt during the past few months was as real as it would have been on campus.
If you ask any Barnard student one of their favorite things about Barnard, they would probably say the community. It’s cliché but true. The community is what makes this place so special. It’s the students who supported one another after this incredibly difficult year and made campus the welcoming and loving environment it is that makes it so freaking hard to leave this place. My 4 years at Barnard have been absolutely transformative and it would not have all been possible without my peers, both known and unknown. There are people that I can’t name who helped me get to the finish line, like the random senior who helped me in Lefrak my first year as I struggled with a First-Year Writing assignment and told me that I would be fine as she read through my paper and offered edits. There are people in this community who have become my closest friends that I definitely could not imagine graduation or life without.
And for the past two months, the community poured out their love virtually. Alumnae stepped up to support students they didn’t know and had nothing in common with except for a love of Barnard. Students opened their homes to peers and ran errands for those at-risk. Faculty and the teams at the library and IMATS transformed hundreds of courses from in-person to virtual in the span of a week so we could keep learning. Class sessions began with professors asking students how they were feeling and made adjustments accordingly. Those actions would not have happened as swiftly and widespread as they did had there not been an understanding that above all else, people at Barnard care for one another.
I think that’s what’s difficult to convey. My Barnard experience isn’t just the classes I took, it’s the million little things that happened outside of them. It’s the friendships formed, the mentors met, and the conversations, laughs, and tears that came from it. My Barnard experience is the people and communities on campus. I hold dear the familiarity I have with every Barnard student in passing, regardless of if I actually know their name. I know that their Barnard experience is wildly different from mine but still very much the same. You can’t begin to fathom the feelings of warmth and support students give one another, regardless of if you actually know them. I know what is here is incredibly special and can never be replicated elsewhere.
As for me, when I came to Barnard in August 2016 as a first-year, I had no idea what a force it would become in my life. Nor would I know that between summer jobs and orientation programming, I would end up spending more time at Barnard than not. These past 8 weeks I’ve been away due to COVID-19 is the longest I haven’t been on campus since I first arrived. It’s strange to be at school for that long, I know, but I didn’t plan it that way. Barnard has its own magnetic pull as a place of community, learning, and friendship that I didn’t want to miss a moment of because I knew I would have to leave this place I love for good when I graduate.
And as my time comes to a close, I am incredibly grateful that I had the honor to be at Barnard. But before I go, I want to reflect on what I’ve actually learned and how Barnard has changed me:
From four years in New York City, I’ve become more assertive, I walk a little faster, and I learned how to dress for cold weather. New York has given me a greater appreciation of perfect spring days with cloudless blue skies, public transportation systems (1 train forever), opportunities to explore, and the knowledge that sometimes the best plan is to not have one at all.
From four years at a historically women’s college, I’ve learned that I deserve to take up space and be heard. That the work to make a more equitable world is never ending and I must do my part. That traditions about sandwiches are very important, but traditions about what one is limited to in life because of race, class, and gender are not. That gender minorities still face immense systematic obstacles in the pathway to success and that women’s colleges are not just for women.
From four years at Barnard, I’ve grown and changed in ways I cannot begin to count. I’ve learned to be confident in my endeavors with the knowledge that failure is an alternative path but not the end of a journey. I’ve learned that being in an environment designed for you to succeed is an empowering gift that cannot be overestimated. I’ve learned that with Google Drive and iced coffee, you can accomplish almost anything. That research is not a replacement for lived experiences and that there will always be someone smarter, better, and more put together than you, but that’s not a reason to not try. I’ve learned to advocate for myself and for others and if I don’t like the way something is done, it won’t change unless I do something about it. That the best thing you can do for others is to be audaciously kind and that STEM majors will usually have extra printing dollars to use. I’ve learned that when you want to do something, the worst thing that can happen is someone says no, so you might as well ask anyway.
I’m a very different Paige from the one that entered Barnard and for that I am eternally grateful. I’m tougher, more humble, more empathetic, more curious, and just more. It was challenging in every way possible and the road to graduation was not always an easy one. There were late nights, missed deadlines, and points where I thought I could not possibly do any more work. But the community sustained me and gave help when I needed it. The lessons they taught me are ones I will carry with me always.
But it’s time for me to go. I’ve had my four years at Barnard and there is a new class of eager, young, future movers and shakers in the Class of 2024 that deserve their spot on campus. I feel a kinship to this group of students, ones who are finishing one chapter of life and are on to the next with great uncertainty. I don’t know what next the upcoming school year will look like for them, but I am sure that they are bright people who are curious and ready for whatever challenges are thrown to them. And so I pass the torch with the hope that their Barnard experience is just as beautiful, messy, challenging, life-changing, and transformative as mine.
With all my love,
Paige
Paige is the Head Social Media BSAR and has officially graduated from Barnard. This is her final blog post for Barnard Admissions.