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Unafraid at Barnard

Read through blog posts written by Barnard students about life at Barnard

Self-Care During COVID

I’m not going to lie, transitioning to online learning, working, and socializing hasn’t been easy. My eyes definitely are feeling it, and so is my health, both mentally and physically. I think it’s really important for students and teachers alike to share their experiences so we can find solidarity with one another and help one another find ways to cope with these difficult times. So in this post, I’m going to share my COVID-19 experience with—the ups and downs and the growth that came from it. 

In March 2020, returning to rural Appalachia from Barnard was not as easy as I thought it would be. The transition from the city back to a very non-urban setting was jarring. At my home, I rarely saw people, not even by looking out of my window while I quarantined. I missed the hustle and bustle of the city that never sleeps; at my house, there were just trees and the sky. Even so, I was grateful to be back in nature. It’s what surrounded me for almost the entirety of my life. I spent a lot of time outside, walking on worn trails and creating new ones. My father and I went on hikes as often as we could, exploring the dips and peaks of the earth.  It was like a factory reset for my body. I felt grounded, renewed. Alive.

Beyond the physical landscape and my emotions attached to it, returning home to WNC was different than before. I’ve grown a lot in college in ways that changed how I viewed my hometown and the experiences that came with it. I was able to process a lot more, finally seeing the connections between my hardships and systematic racism, classism, homophobia, sexism, among other societal norms that affected my life growing up. I could see these things at play and could finally shift a lot of the blame away from myself and rightfully onto the systems that affected me. I used to apologize for every single minute of every single day in my early teen years; I realized that wasn’t just “middle school being hard”—it was the product of a society that wanted my identities to take up the least space as possible. This realization pushed me into action. After returning to my hometown, I became more active in my community that I’ve ever been. I started writing podcasts about local leaders in activism, donating un-sellable but very edible food from local farms to local shelters, phone-banking for representatives, attending protests, and more. I advocated for my mental health more, working with local leaders to fight for the inclusion of workshops that address racism in the public education system. In general, I felt much more involved in my community. Transitioning from Barnard back to my hometown helped me find my voice in a place I never had the confidence to speak up in before. At Barnard, I am taking classes that support my ideas and push me to take pride in the space I take up. Here, I am offered class environments that affirm my identity; especially in terms of my gender, race, and sexuality. This, and the fact that Barnard is an institution built for women and individuals who have not historically had access to education, has helped me feel so much more confident in my voice, even when back at home in North Carolina.

Fast-forward to the present day. I’m back in New York City, living with a friend and family. I take my Zoom classes every day and try to spend as much time outside and away from my screens as possible. I work a few jobs and try to go to as many Zoom club meetings as I can. Even though the hardships of this reality are often glossed over, I know it’s really difficult for all of us—I’m so exhausted after a day of looking at my computer for hours on end. My body hurts after sitting for so long. I have really been struggling to feel motivated to do my work and am behind on some of my assignments. I was worried this might be too personal, but I also realized that if no one shares what’s actually going on, then everyone will continue to feel isolated in their experience. I want people to know that they’re not alone. 

With this, I have found a lot of ways to help reduce these feelings and take care of myself. I always try to pinpoint something really good that comes from a bad thing. From the difficulties of Zoom classes and online living, I’ve found something good—a deep want and desire to take care of myself. Otherwise, without taking care of yourself, this online, sedentary lifestyle becomes unsustainable. Below, I’ve shared some of the things that have really helped me get through online Zoom life. Here’s a consolidated list of some things I found helpful!

  1. Go outside at least once. I know this sounds like an easy goal, but sometimes I find myself so absorbed in work and school that I don’t leave the building for the whole day. But just finding the time to go outside at least one time has been a huge gamechanger for me! Getting some fresh air to reset is really important for our mental and physical health. Here’s a paper about the importance of going outside!

  1. Two minutes of exercise! I often find it hard to motivate myself to do a full session of exercise, so sometimes between study sessions or classes, I will take a couple of minutes to do some jumping jacks or some aerobic activity to stimulate productivity. I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to be productive and how to be more gentle on myself when I’m not as productive as I want to be, but exercising to break up my long grinding sessions is really helpful. It sometimes helps me get my work done faster and more efficiently, ultimately leading to less screen time. And, most importantly, it helps my body and mind feel better. Click here for a CNN article about it.

  2. Call your friends, don’t FaceTime them if you can. Then you can go on walks, etc. and you don’t have to look at a screen! For me, keeping up with friends and family far away has not been easy, as it’s just more time on my computer or phone. Instead of using FaceTime, I’ve been just calling friends. I use headphones, put my phone in my pocket, and then go on walks. I’ve explored Central Park, the Hudson River Greenway, other green spaces, and the city as a whole. Walking is one of my favorite ways to get to know the city! 

  3. Do Zoom study sessions. Recently, I’ve been trying to find ways to imitate environments on campus, one of which being the library! I love the libraries on campus and spend most of my time doing work either in Milstein (I LOVE that library!), so I’ve missed having a space that’s both a quiet workspace and a place to see familiar faces. So I started Zooming friends, especially from my dance teams, since we can’t socialize as much during practice while dancing over Zoom. It’s been a nice way to hang out with friends without increasing screen time, and a way to recreate library-like spaces.

  4. Branch out and explore new passions! For example, I’m super passionate about dance and joined a lot of dance classes and clubs on campus last year. This semester, I decided to join Sabor, the Latin-X dance group here on campus! I’m trying something new, shifting from my ballet and modern focus to learning an entirely new style of dance. It’s been so fun and a really good way to make new friends during these online times. Learning a completely new style of dance has allowed me to rise above my self-critical voice in my brain. I tried to do a couple of ballet classes over Zoom within the past couple of months, but I kept comparing myself dancing over Zoom to my training on campus; I kept telling myself how I could do this move before but couldn’t do it now, how un-flexible I had become, and so on. I developed some really negative thoughts about dancing and I eventually stopped entirely. But now, trying something entirely new has given me a clean slate to build from; I have less intense expectations for myself (in a healthy way!) and have gained an excitement to dance again.

  5. Be honest and transparent with your professors. Whether or not you are a low-income student, keeping up with your classwork while maintaining good mental and physical health is not easy. I get it—as a low-income student, it’s exhausting to keep up with Zoom, and when you have jobs and responsibilities on your plate, or more appropriately, on your screen, it can become overwhelming. No matter what position you are in right now—low-income or not—it’s pretty difficult to balance everything right now, and that’s why talking to your professors with honesty about your situation is so important. I encourage you all to advocate for yourself through transparency about your situation. I’ve emailed professors multiple times, asking for extensions or some grace-periods because of everything that’s been going on. Take care of yourself by asking for help—you deserve that support.

I hope this list was helpful and made you feel a little better about your possible experiences and hardships with life online. I’m excited for the day that we are back on campus (safely!!). For now, take care of yourself. Sending lots of virtual hugs, health, and strength.

Anna Yokote